Chicos and Chicas DVD Review

I have a very extensive music collection, and the last few songs have all been cowboy songs (surprising considering I don’t have many like that) so with the taste of Easter chocolate in my stomach I recall what I learned on South Park years ago…Cowboys and Chocolate = Gayness and sadly part of my responsibility to you is also to review gayness, so I will take it as a sign to grab one and get it over with so here we go.

So anyway, we follow the pathetic adventures of some candy-assed loser named Stu who is almost as much of a flaming closet case as Tom Cruise is jokingly purported to be. Now sure enough the chicks in this movie aren’t exactly what you would call hot or even attractive, while the dudes on the other hand are these crazy muscle beach guys, but Stu here is supposedly straight but seems to actually enjoy cock more than pussy.

The action is confusing to say the least but the performers do seem to get off, in an amateurish way.

Bi Bi Stu gets two cocks-up, mostly because I watched it stoned and Stu’s idiocy was like one of those bad sitcoms that you kinda laugh at anyway.

I have a very extensive music collection, and the last few songs have all been cowboy songs (surprising considering I don’t have many like that) so with the taste of Easter chocolate in my stomach I recall what I learned on South Park years ago…Cowboys and Chocolate = Gayness and sadly part of my responsibility to you is also to review gayness, so I will take it as a sign to grab one and get it over with so here we go.

So anyway, we follow the pathetic adventures of some candy-assed loser named Stu who is almost as much of a flaming closet case as Tom Cruise is jokingly purported to be. Now sure enough the chicks in this movie aren’t exactly what you would call hot or even attractive, while the dudes on the other hand are these crazy muscle beach guys, but Stu here is supposedly straight but seems to actually enjoy cock more than pussy.

The action is confusing to say the least but the performers do seem to get off, in an amateurish way.

Bi Bi Stu gets two cocks-up, mostly because I watched it stoned and Stu’s idiocy was like one of those bad sitcoms that you kinda laugh at anyway.

I have no fucking idea what a Culo is but after watching this move I want to bang one…hell I want to bang a zillion Culos…Bring on the Culos man! This is a cool amateurish flick set in an adult store…how come when I go in an adult store I dont get treated to any real life fucking or orgies like in these shows…if someone knows where I can shop and get this kind of entertainment (especially interactive) let me know and Im there man. Not a lot of time is wasted in farcical story lines beyond establishing the set and that the chicks are horny and want to fuck.

Four scenes of fucking to scope out and I guarantee some of it you will find hot as diversity and sluttiness rule throughout the whole movie…first up a blonde slut getting generously banged while showing true cock appreciation, followed by a negress nympho who demonstrates her openness as well as her eagerness to get her open holes filled…then onto an oriental orgasm machine that loves taking it and taking it hard, and finally a captivating hispanic looking brunette to finish the movie off with some Latin heat.

While not the hottest nor the most expensively produced movie out there, Bang My Culo 3 gets itself three hard cocks-up, if I knew what a Culo was and that it tasted as good as a Churro, it might’ve gotten four.

Back in the 1980’s MTV’s Downtown Julie Brown had a hit single with the funny song that pretty much describes anybody who totally digs this movie, “I Like Em Big And Stupid”.

Mr 18 inches looks like Danny Glover after a month on a medieval torture rack while being force fed penis pills that work, and he’s supposed to be some kinda sub dude as these crazy chicks appear to fuck him and get him to lick their shoes etc. but he comes off more cool, like he’s Bad Bad Leroy Brown, the baddest man in the whole damn town, meaner than a junkyard dog and bigger than ol King Kong.

Once you get past the idiotic dialog and pretensions at set and scene, the sex itself is decent enough cos these are chicks that obviously love cock and appreciate a good thing when they have one, and they certainly have one in this movie as Mr 18 inches buries his cock in their pussies so deep that you can almost see the head poking out their mouths as they moan in pleasure.

Sadly other than their half-assed obviously over-acted BDSM skits and this dude’s massive schlong, Mr. 18″ and the Phantom Bitches had no unique draw to it and surely in at least one of the scenes they could’ve added an extra chick…god knows with 18 inches of meat, there’s enough for everybody to have a sandwich.

Mr 18″ and the Phantom Bitches gets a solid three cocks-up and could’ve been higher if their originality had been higher.

Well Easter is over but I had so much fun with the chocolate bunny searches, and the weather is getting so awesome as spring makes a bigger push, like some horny teen dude slamming away into a milf, so I just had to grab y’all one more fluffy animal to enjoy…let’s hear it for little kitties, also known as pussies. Maximum Pussy 2 has some totally awesome pussy on pussy action and with no fear of any weiner dogs around to bark at them these pussies enjoy their playtime to the fullest.

The variety of pussies at play in Maximum Pussy 2 is just astounding and I guess that’s where the word maximum comes from…it’s like if you’ve ever seen the movie Dusk to Dawn, and there’s a part by Cheech Marin where he’s all “Pussy…pussy…we got black pussy…we got white pussy…we got yellow pussy…we got hairy pussy…we got bald pussy…” anyways, that’s what this movie reminds me of. These chicks enjoy each other one-on-one and in groups exploring, pleasuring and making each other’s pussies purr as they lick, suck, use toys on each other and fingerbang themselves to some sapphic nirvana.

Maximum Pussy 2 gave me maximum boneage as well as maximum sploogeage and gets the maximum five cocks-up.

Our last Easter chocolate bunny fuck-fest review does not disappoint nor leave us with that foil wrapped bulk chocolate flavor in our mouths like the last few. It also covers more chocolate bases with a higher variety of flavors…white bunnies, black bunnies and some tan creamy caramel bunnies as well.

I wonder if any of that creamy white chocolate (or by the end of their hot scene; cream-filled) is imported from Belgium. These chicks fuck as hot as bunnies for sure and their decadent sluttiness just feels so Euro.

This is a movie that you can watch in stages cos the heat and intensity is sure to make you cum several times before it’s over. Whether it’s one chick getting banged by a bunch of guys, or a couple sweet fuck bunnies together playing with each other AND getting banged by a bunch of guys, the action does not let up in this movie and these chicks love to fuck and obviously love getting filled doing so.

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There is no hole that does not get filled at some point in this movie, and the cream-filled and cream-covered goodness that these bunnies are craving gets delivered to them in mass quantities.

Spread ‘em apart is one of the few must-see movies I have reviewed for its sheer heat and sluttiness and gets five cocks-up.

1970’s songwriter Leo Sayers had a big hit with the song ‘I pull my old blue jeans on’, looking at the blondes in this bodacious fuck-flick I would love to hit on them and pull their old blue jeans off. I don’t quite get if blue jeans are supposed to be a fetish or what the case is here, but if they are a fetish the people who get off on it are very lucky considering it’s a fetish catered to by 80% of the population.

Three scenes of sex and lust are portrayed for our pleasure but just like anything that has a bunch of blondes at the root of it, Blue Jean Blondes 2 lacks any originality at all.

Picture this in your head, it isn’t hard to do even if you’re as empty headed as a typical blonde, in blue jeans in the backyard showing off her body, then getting banged until it ends in noisy orgasms…multiply this times three and then you’ve got this movie down pat.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, when it comes to basic jack-off porn this movie has got those basics covered.

Blue Jean Blondes 2 gets three cocks-up, one for each of its scenes.

Some people say that college age chicks are too old to appreciate and enjoy the chocolatey goodness of easter. I figure that good enough chocolate should always be appreciated and enjoyed, and college time is a primo time for getting your basket filled with ooey gooey creamy goodness. So here is one more easter offering of chocolate in need of cream.

So the formula is we have these obsidian beauties who allegedly go to college (I hope to hell they’re not taking acting, cos if they are they totally suck at it) and they get down to some down n dirty sex in their dorms with some black bruthas that they are fortunate enough to run into for some ebony on ebony exercising.

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The chicks in this movie were like hot sweet fudge that I would want to melt in my mouth anytime, but I just don’t get why so many of these movies are just one-on-one action. Like yknow, when I picture a young eager for cock sweet lookin black slut getting some action, I tend to picture a bunch of dudes and some dp action etc, all of which was lacking from Black Cherry Coeds 4. My other complaint with this movie is that although these black dudes did bang the hell out of these chicks, there should have been some inter-racial fucking as well…everybody knows that there’s a lot more white dudes than black dudes at a college, unless it’s a sports college.

Black Cherry Coeds 4 gets a semi-satisfying (kinda like those bulk foil-wrapped chocolates instead of creamy milk chocolate) three cocks-up.

Time for some more double-dipping dark decadence as the countdown to easter continues with a chocolate quintet of creamy goodness.

I was at the mall earlier cruising past Laura Secord’s and I saw those big ass specialty huge freakin chocolate rabbits that they have…yknow the $300+ ones and I thought to myself…yeah man, some big chocolate bunnies sure would be tasty, so here we are with Chocolate Gazongas.

Dude…watching this flick and seeing these dark skinned fuck-divas of dusky decadence getting it on and how slutty they can be, I can understand why they were the ones so popular as slaves, cos man, I would own me some of that, but I guess when you want it as badly as these chicks do, it isn’t ownership it’s just enjoyment.

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Once again my problem with this movie is that it’s just all basic one-on-one sex through all five scenes, and when you have sluts that want it as much as these chicks, it’s a crime not to demonstrate all that they can do, and all that they can take. Which brings up the other thing I wonder about this movie…okay, these chicks have big tits and this one of them especially has a huge ass…now they call this ghetto booty, but if somebody’s from the ghetto, wouldn’t they have a bony starved ass?

Oh well…whatever, Chocolate Gazongas gets three and a half cocks-up. Only three cos of it all being one-on-one, but the extra half cos the chicks were hot.

To paraphrase Steppenwolf in their satirical song about marijuana…’well it’s evil, wicked, mean, and nasty…most folks call it ass Sam’ and these chicks are the nastiest of the nasty, but if you’re a total perv like me, then that nasty is oh so nice. The ultra-sluts in this movie are so fucking slutty and ready for action with an intensity that tells you as soon as they start fucking that these are the kind of babes that are eager to do what straighter chicks only dream about in their darkest most decadent dreams.

Just like yesterday’s movie, we get a quintet of hot scenes but unfortunately even though Ass to Mouth 10’s a splooge-worthy fuck-flick, and as I said, the nasty nymphomania of these ass-sluts shines through, the producers I guess limited their sluttiness and you’re stuck with just one-on-one scenes.

Personally I would’ve exploited these babe’s insatiable appetites and it would’ve been gang-bang after gang-bang as they took those cocks in their holes and then showed us in multiples of what we get to see, how much they enjoy cleaning off a cock that has been plunged deep in their ass.

Speaking of plunges, this movie would have had five cocks-up if it had shown more hardcore intensity with multiple partners, but instead gets a solid four cocks-up for the sluttiness of the actresses.